Last Day?

Technically this is the last day i will be in Florida, the reason I say last is because of packing time and trying to get ready for my trip. The only thing that I really regret is not getting all my answeres that I wanted. The reason is because I really like this girl and want to make her happy and I think I can. Today she admitted that she feels better around me like less headaches and she smiles so much more. Also most of my family loves her already and notices when I am talking to her. Thought I left that detail out when I told he that the most important people in my life about her and that they all love her except my mom, which is because she doesn't undertstand how I can like a girl that has a girlfirend/ likes girls. Chantel has been too much help in this realtionship and she tihn\ks that we are or would be a good couple and have fun and so on. My whole thing is the boyfriend, and the distance, I mean I could stay here in FL and try and make things work but I can't help thing what my dad said about staying here and getting screwed. I know Jenisse would not purposely do that but Mother Nature and Father time are the ones in control. I wish it was cut and dry like tell me to stay or go. Honestly I don't wanna leave.

What to do

So the last couple of posts were very dramatic and lets just say that I have an update. Well like always my self concious is the reason Mr and jenisse aren't together.... yet.but I am staying confiedent because she did tell me that she likes me. The only thong I am worried about is tthat I am leaving in a couple of days and feel like if I leave her feelings will too. One us is after we talked about it our communicator was really good like we can talk about anything, I wont lie it still freaks me put how well me and her get a long. Got to take a shower willl continue after

Relationship

This is the most commonly discussed subject, so here is my problem. For the last couple of days I have basicly lived at my friend Jenisse house, which means almost ever waking moment is shared by each other. So what does that truely mean? As I stated in my last posts I have some feelings for this girl prior to me coming over here. Mostly because she is cute and not stuck up, but I do belive that you can tell what or how a person is going to be after meeting them. Cause to be honest I met her threw Facebook and talked, texted and skyped a few times but no matter how many days you talk to someone if you don't see them I belive that you don't know them truely. Here is my example, when you are upset or pissed off and you don't have to see someone when they call or text you can just ignore it or say your busy. But with that being said when you meet somoene they also can hide things from you, but what about when you live in their house? I have seen Jenisse from bad to worse and good to great and let me just say in a fucked up way I envy Whitney and her current boyfriend, which for me is way out of charater. The only thing that really bothers me is that she said her boyfriend treats her like crap. Again the nice guy finished last? Any way so she told me he hits her and ignores her and what not, so that really makes me think that if I looked better not only could I have a girl like Jenisse but wouldn't have to try hard. The only thing that really bothers me about Jenisse is that she says that if she was single she would date me, but she is never single. Again I know she likes some other dude from NY and I know that he is probally better lookiung then me or better equpit to be with Jenisse but I guess even mad men can drream right. I have to start writing my feelings down in here so that I don't say it out loud like I did the other day. Cause she is sweet and trys to say I am a stronger man then some of the other dudes she talks to cause I can talk bout how i feel, but I feel like a pansy when I talk to her about it. Espically when I basicly "confess my love" to her on the beach. But thank god I think she just ignoerd the fat ugly dude that said it. Also my cuz fiance doesn't help either, I was talking to her, mostly cause she was curious about my feeling towards Jennise, about how everything is happening between me and Jenises.And insteard of trying to help me with it she tells me that I should just straight up kiss the girl and see what happens, because obivoualy she has something for me to be at her house. My whole thing about it is I don't wanna lose her friendship nor do I wanna make thing awkward. I must say anyone who is pathetic enough to read this is going to think I am the biggest puss in the world. And I will admit that I do sound like a bitching woman, but I don't know whats wrong with me. Maybe I got bite by the love bug and I'm allergic.

Cut

I think it might be time to cut Jenisse out of my life, mostly because of the fact that she is too good for me. But also cause I can't stand to watch  her going around and doing what she is doing right now. Over the last couple of days I have found out that although she has claimed to be completly diffrent from the rest of the girl populations that she is accually just as naive to a adegree. For example her boyfriend doesn't see her that much and also,which came to a surprise, he hit her. Why is it that the cute girls that have the whole package is the one that takes the most crap from people. Persoanlly I want to tell her to dump him and not to give him more time to chance, when will people learn nobody changes, but again being the nice guy that I am I want her to be happy. Also I know that I am no better than any other guy for her, if not worse. Like I told her today, it's not because I have a lot of menta issues or something, its because I'm not good look. And she states that looks don't matter she to her, but evidence against her shows a different pictures, again the "sute" guy she is with now. Also I might as well get this off my chest too . I am starting to remeber some of what her and a friend of her's was talking about on the phone, she told him that she wants to see a guy in NY that she really likes, I don't know who it is but I can guess it's probably Jose. Again I will be alone, forever. Born alone die alone.

Concern

I am really starting to get concerned for my own mental state. After being forced into telling Jenisse how I feel things started getting kinda different. Like I am not saying it got weird but like I feel if I lived here and looked better I would be able to actually have a chance

Life

Well I totally messed up anything between me and jenisse I think I am going to tell her how I feel in Monday before I leave so that it wont ruin my weekend or hers. Plus not to mention the fact that I doubt she will go for the idea. I think honestly that her talking to Johnathan is what gets me upset cause I know how he is.

Lame

So I thought maybe I was above the type of bullshit that guys do to women, I must confess that I am not. More like I have my own way of doing it.

I have a general question to post up more of an idea and the answer. What do you do when you find someone that is perfect for you but you can't be with them. And to future explain this situation, the girl I am currently living with in Florida is the girl I like. But here is how I see it we both think each other are cute. But that is the end of it, I see what type of guys she likes and it's definitely not me. I try to stay positive but the negativity does happen to get a hold of me a lot fast. Not to mention the fact that we flirt with each other all the time. And also my worst half gets the better of me and I actually get jealous that she is talking to some other guys that I know, but I don't wanna say jealous more like I am concerned cause I know that two out of three of them are scum bags but can act good for a little while. And some of them it's not a like a personal things just that, ok I guess I am jealous. So most there is a lot of times with her where I am trying to stay positive but in the back of my head I am saying that I am not good enough for her and she likes some other dude in NY and has a boyfriend. I am concerned about my mental status here.  So the question is that do you do to someone who you like and know would be a perfect girl for you? The answer I would get if i asked someone or if someone read this stupid blog is "Just tell her" but any realist will know that If you tell someone that you like them and the feeling isn't mutual that things can get weird and you lose that friend. Also I am talking in person not on the computer or text, lets be real those are easy to forget or "lost"

Florida

So I made it to Florida on my overall trip to New York mostly to see this girl Jenisse. Well let me just say that she is better looking in person but also what I was afriad of is that she has too many people drooling over her. Also after chilling with her and see what type of people she hangs put with I do see that my preparation were not in vain. And just for future reference prior to coming to Florida I basicly brain washed myself to make sure that any feeling I might have for this girl are gone. But hanging out with her does make it hard. Well off to the beach and will update later.